


Last Song

by Shianhygge



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, On The Way To A Smile: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: (at world's end), Amnesia, Angst, Betrayal, Dynamic Characters, Effects of Mako Poisoning, F/M, Fluff, Loveless - Freeform, Pregnancy, Romance, Sacrifice, gackt - Freeform, mako poisoning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-04-27 17:11:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14430288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shianhygge/pseuds/Shianhygge
Summary: Even members of SOLDIER First Class suffer from mako poisoning.Our heroine (main character) lives in the slums and longs for adventure. And on a rainy night, she gets what she wanted. In the form of an amnesiac silver haired General.Each chapter is accompanied with a song from my favorite artist, Gackt.





	1. Prologue: Sayonara

**Author's Note:**

> A Sephiroth/Original Female Character story that I started in high school and finished in college.
> 
> One of the fics I'm most proud of, but it's dated in terms of how I write. Doesn't mean I'm ashamed of it though.

When you fall in love, it’s sudden, but natural and completely unexpected. 

The love of your life simply falls into your life one day, and you may get the case of love at first sight, or the gently growing kind of love which perseveres. And your lover could be anyone. But you will love them with all your being, no matter how much it hurts. 

My lover doesn’t remember me. He lost all memory and feelings for me one night. 

The man who I fell in love with was known as Sephiroth. 

For me, it was simply Sephiroth, not General Sephiroth, I wasn’t a soldier under his command, nor did I worship him like his fanclub did. To me, Sephiroth was merely a man. 

But while I wished for a normal love life, with Sephiroth, everything is unforgettable and nothing is normal.


	2. Chapter 1: Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She meets him in the rain, and she brings him home. She never stood a chance.

There was a time where my family and I were happy. My father had been a traveler from Rocket Town, and my mother had been a nurse from Costa del Sol. They were never married, but they lived together and had me. When I was quite young, too young to really question my parents about the important things in life, they were killed. Some people told me that they had died in a mugging gone wrong in the upper plate, some believe that they had been killed by monsters. I believe that they were involved with Shinra and were no longer needed, thus disposed. And maybe, if that were true, I should’ve been dead as well. But I was not. 

Instead, I was forced to live in an orphanage until I was old enough to take care of myself at age thirteen. Or rather, the orphanage kicked me out to make room for the abundance of incoming younger children. Luckily, I still had my family home to return to, which was a lot better than what most orphans my age had. While I wanted to know what happened to my parents, there was always a fear that what happened to my parents would happen to me, too. But that mystery would remain unresolved, just like the deaths of many others. After all, there was nothing normal about Shinra.

Being raised by Shinra, Sephiroth was no exception. While I led a rather boring life, Sephiroth led the life of a decorated SOLDIER. And I yearned for something exciting to happen in my life. I was a fool. I wished for adventure, but I didn’t want the danger that went with it. But I got my adventure on a cold and rainy November afternoon as I sat on a swing in the park near my home in the slums.

From what I remember, I was sitting on the swings, ignoring the cold rain pouring all over me. The children that usually stopped by were inside their homes with their families, so there was a peaceful silence in the park. I was about to leave the park to make myself lunch when a large banging sound erupted from the left alleyway. Furrowing my brows, I stood up and waited patiently to see if something was about to attack me. A few moments later, a half-naked man ran out of the alleyway with a less than graceful stumble and fell to the muddy floor, drenched from the rain and injured. From behind the man came a hellhound with a feral snarl.

I blanched at my luck. I had nothing to defend myself with. I stepped back to sprint home, but a moan from the fallen man made me halt in my steps. I groaned at my stupidity and ran forward instead. The hellhound reared its ugly head to growl at my charging form. With a cry of fury, I kicked the hellhound in the face with my rain boots. The black beast yelped for a moment before launching itself at me with its jaws open. I jumped backwards just in time for the canine’s jaws to barely snap at my long black hair. Suddenly feeling brave, I tackled the beast to the ground and punched its eye until it bled. Then with one mighty buck, the hellhound threw me off of its body and ran away.

I cursed the beast angrily before picking myself up from the muddy floor and walking towards the fallen man. That is when I noticed the long silver hair caked in brown dirt and water. I paled when I remembered that only one person in all of Midgar had silver hair. “No way.” I muttered in wonder, crouching down to flip the man’s body over. I blushed when I was met with a finely sculpted face of high cheekbones, a pointed nose, and thin lips. Oh boy. This was definitely Shinra’s poster boy… er man… I paused briefly to oogle him. Yup… definitely a man.

Shaking my head, I gently shook Sephiroth, “Come on, big guy. What are you doin’, gettin yer ass kicked by such a small threat.” Only a pained groan escaped the man, and there was no sign of him waking up any time soon. Then, as if the Planet was telling me something, the rain started falling harder. I pouted heavily and glared up at the steel plated sky. “REALLY? What? Is there a monsoon above the plate or SOMETHING?” No answer… Figures, I was talking to the sky after all.

Huffing, I knelt to the muddy floor and threw Sephiroth’s arm over my shoulder before heaving him up, almost slipping several times before being able to stand to my full height. I raised an eyebrow when another arm was thrown over my other shoulder, making it look like I was giving the General a half assed piggyback ride. “Piggyback it is.” I muttered with a sulking attitude, crouching and slouching to grab at the General’s thighs since he decided to hug me all on his own. Standing up, I nearly stumbled forward with a curse. It was odd, carrying a taller and heavier man on my back. “ _ Son of a-! _ What are you? 180 cm???” I muttered curses under my breath as I slowly made my way to my home with unstable steps and cursed my helpful nature. 

A few paces from my front door, my knees started to give away, so I grit my teeth and settled for leaning the taller man against the wall of my home as I unlocked the door. I grimaced as I dragged the man through the threshold, making a dry joke that since his hair was much longer than my own, I was technically carrying my bride into our new home… As I said, a joke made in poor taste. Afterall, the General was injured and muddy.

Once inside my home, I turned and stared at the unconscious man. Okay. I am, in no way, trained to treat the injured. I grimaced, “Well, I should probably clean him up so that the wounds don’t get infected. Then, I should at the very least put him on the bed and disinfect the wounds.” Then, I wanted to wail because of his hair. “Dirty and long.” How much shampoo was I going to need?

I shook my head and set about looking for a scrunchie to tie the man’s hair up with. And then I dragged him into the bathroom, where I began to fill the tub with warm water. While the tub was filling, I silently prayed that Sephiroth would wake up. There was no way in hell that I want to undress him… I could feel my face heat up… Okay. So maybe I did… He was eye candy after all. Then, as if the Planet heard me (finally) a groan alerted me to my now conscious guest.

Long lashes fluttered open to reveal stunning green eyes like that of a cat, taking in the sight of my bathroom in drowsy confusion. When he finally turned to look at me, he asked unsure, “Who are you? Where am I?”

Seeing that the tub was filled with a good amount of water, I shut the tap off before looking at the General. “I’m Ayla Noe and you’re in my home, in Sector Eight. You were attacked by a Hellhound in the slum park. Why didn’t you fight it?”

The man squinted and blinked before shaking his head. “Was I supposed to fight it? How would I have done that?”

Confused, and feeling a little bit of dread, “How to fight? Wait. What’s your name?” I asked quietly.

Green eyes merely stared into my brown eyes in confusion. “Aren’t you supposed to tell me?”

I gaped at the General… no, Sephiroth with something akin to wonder and horror. I was housing an injured, half clothed, and amnesiac SOLDIER in my home. I scratched at my forehead nervously, “I… (*sigh) You’re name is Sephiroth. That’s all I really know about your personal information. You work for Shinra as the General of their specialized army. Which I should take you back to after we get you cleaned and your wounds dressed.”

At the mention of Shinra, the silver haired man furrowed his brow, “Shin… ra… You mean… the really… bright building?”

I blinked a few times at Sephiroth’s description before nodding. “Yes. Wh-” And soon I was tackle hugged.

“Don’t bring me back!” the silver haired man seemed to wail in fright. “They hurt me. It burned. Don’t make me go back!”

If you ask how I felt about the current situation, I would say baffled. This man, who was the most fearsome SOLDIER the world has ever seen, who spent his life in Shinra, who was a year older than I, need I remind you, was reduced to tears and childish wails. Well… given that he had amnesia, I would assume he was nothing but innocent at this point. And so… I found myself in a strange position. Muddy, on the floor of my bathroom, hugging and comforting an equally muddy and amnesiac Sephiroth. If my life wasn’t exciting, it sure as hell is now.

I awkwardly began to pet Sephiroth’s head, “Uhh… I… Don’t worry. I won’t take you back there.” I promised quietly, mentally trying to calculate how much of my savings I would have to use to take care of a full grown man who doesn’t want to go home, but also debating if I wanted to risk having to experience my greatest fear again. “B-but you should really take a bath so we can treat your injuries.” 

“Eh duwn no hw.” Came a muffled reply from my stomach area.

“Could you repeat that?” I asked with a disbelieving tone.

Sephiroth tilted his head to look me in the eyes, “I don’t know how to take a bath.”

I stalled and stared blankly at his sculpted face. “You just get undressed and sit in the tub. Then you get the soap and rub it on your body to clean it.” I tried to explain the process like I would to a small child. But holy crap was this difficult when this guy was a lot taller than me.

There was a pout on Sephiroth’s face as I continued to explain how to bathe. And I was fighting to not laugh at the sheer madness of Sephiroth  _ pouting _ . “Can’t you just take a bath with me?”

I swear I might faint. “Sephiroth. We can’t do that.”

“Sure we can!” Sephiroth then leaned back with a pained grimace and started unbuckling his pants.

“NO! NO!” I panicked, wide-eyed, grabbing at Sephiroth’s hands. “Don’t do that!”

Sephiroth looked bewildered at my adamant refusal. “Why not? We’re both dirty. And I don’t want to wait too long.” Sheepishly, he gestured to his back. “They’re beginning to really hurt.”

I sighed and relented, “Fine. But you have to do everything I tell you. Understand?” I received an obedient puppy eyed nod. “Good. Stand up. I’m going to leave the bathroom while you take your clothes off and wrap that towel around your waist.” I explained, gesturing to said towel as I grabbed another to wrap around myself. I once again received a nod before leaving the room to strip.

And when I entered the bathroom after five minutes, clutching the towel wrapped around my torso, I couldn’t meet Sephiroth’s eyes. First time almost nude in front of a man, and I’m not even in a relationship with him. Great start, Ayla. Fucking great. With my eyes focused on the floor, I gestured towards the tub. “Uh… Please sit in the tub.” Ha. Went from a loudmouth to a timid kitten as soon as nudity is involved. Lovely, Ayla.

There was a brief splash and Sephiroth announced lowly, “I-I’m in.”

I nodded slowly and lifted my left foot to step into the medium sized tub, which apparently wasn’t big enough, considering that I ended up pressed up against Sephiroth.  _ Too tall for his own good. _ Now don’t get me wrong, every other female in the entirety of the world might kill me to be in this position, and it’s not like  _ I _ didn’t like it, but taking advantage of a disabled person is cruel. That, and I was more a fan of Sephiroth’s friend, Angeal.

I gulped as I crawled forward a little so that I was practically on his lap (there was no practically about it, I was on his lap). Then, I took a washcloth from the side of the tub and dipped it into the water before gently wiping away the mud on Sephiroth’s chest. And as I worked, I could feel his eyes staring at me with his undivided attention. And I’ll admit that my face was getting quite red as my legs brushed against his when I reached up to wash his face. “Sorry if this is weird.”

Sephiroth smiled and closed his eyes as I lifted his arms to wash, “I don’t think it’s weird. It actually feels good.” Cue a groan of exasperation, to which Sephiroth chuckled deeply, “What’s the matter?”

I glared at him, “You are much too innocent right now. So many people would take advantage of your current situation right now, and you leave yourself unguarded.”

He opened his eyes, green meeting my brown with an absolute trust that I was not used to seeing in the slums. “But you haven’t.”

I frowned and slid backwards, “Oh turn around so I can get your back.” Sephiroth chuckled, but did as I demanded, turning so that I sat behind him. There were three gashes along the length of his back, but not too wide. “This is good. The wound’s not too wide, and it’s certainly not infected, but there’s dirt in it.” I muttered, mostly to myself, as I cleaned around the wound before gently cupping my hands and pouring water into the wounds until the dirt was all out. Then, I proceeded to rub soap onto his torso before rinsing him off. “Okay. Now your hair.” I wondered how I was going to do this, since his hair was much longer than my own. Then I looked at the cold and murky water and sneered, letting the water drain before filling it up with new water. I didn’t have a bucket, so I couldn’t pour water onto his head.

“I have an idea!” Sephiroth announced with a grin before sliding down the tub so that his head was in my lap.

At this point, I had decided to treat him like a child, and went along with his idea, tugging the scrunchie out of this hair and letting the silver strands submerge in the water. Sighing mournfully, I grabbed my entire bottle of shampoo and began my work to clean his hair, finishing within ten minutes with satisfactory results. Once done, I gently patted Sephiroth’s chest to tell him to get up. “Okay, you’re done.”

The next thing I knew, the washcloth was taken from me and pressed to my chest, which was now bare of the towel. I spluttered indignantly and went to cover my body by curling into a fetal position and crossing my arms. “W-what are you d-doing!” I exclaimed in mortification.

The silver haired man merely cocked his head to the side, “I’m washing you.”

“You can’t just DO that!” I objected with a red face. Great. Fully nude in front of a man that I am not in a relationship with.

“But you helped me, so why can’t I help you!” There was no questioning tone, as it sounded a little more forceful. As if Sephiroth were saying  _ Shut up and let me care for you. _

And so, for the next ten minutes, I sat, embarrassed, in the bathtub as Sephiroth cleaned me.

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I sat grumbling as I disinfected and dressed Sephiroth’s wounds. I felt so… dirty for having let a man that I did not know touch my naked body. Of course, it didn't mean much to Sephiroth, considering he didn't have any memories of such things, but still. Sephiroth was now clothed in my deceased father’s old sweatpants, with a white v neck shirt rolled up so that I could properly bandage the wounds. 

“What am I going to do with you now?” I muttered, “If you leave the house, everyone in Shinra will know where you are before the sun even sets.”

“I can cook for you.” Sephiroth offered, looking back at me.

I paused mid wrap and stared at the man incredulously, “And… How do you know how to cook, but not how to bathe?” 

The man had the audacity to look sheepish, “I… uh… started remembering some stuff.”

My right eye twitched. “And what did you remember?”

He shrugged coyly, “Oh, a little bit of this and a little bit of that.”

“Not helpful, but fine. As long as you can handle taking care of the house, I'll go out and work to feed us.” I relented, finishing up wrapping his wounds and pulling the shirt down. “Now, go to sleep. On the bed, on the couch, it doesn’t matter to me. I’m tired.” I yawned, falling sideways on my twin sized bed, silently clapping myself on the back for actually remembering to blow dry Sephiroth’s and my hair. There was a brief silence before the sheets shuffled and the bed dipped. Opening my eyes, I found myself sharing a pillow with my silver haired guest. Grunting tiredly, I reached past my legs and grabbed the large duvet, covering the both of us in warmth. And when arms reached to engulf me in a hug, I was too tired to complain. 

_ Who knew that the great General Sephiroth was a cuddler. _


	3. Chapter 2: The Song of the Moon (Tsuki no Uta)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The longer she holds her feelings in, the more she doubts. And in the end, the heart wants what it wants.

Since the amnesic Sephiroth did not wish to return to Shinra, I’ve decided to allow him to stay with me. The severals hours that I spent with him turned to days, then to weeks. We had settled upon a routine based off the fear that Sephiroth would be discovered and taken away. Everyday, I would wake up and leave to run errands for various people in the slum center, where all the shops were. Meanwhile, Sephiroth would cook the day’s meals, and keep the house clean, to which I would often jokingly call him my “wife.” And while I had previously remarked that I was more an Angeal fan than a fan of Sephiroth, I was beginning to take to the man. He was sweet and attentive, something that I was not used to, having lived in the slums since I was a baby, and orphaned by the age of eight. And I can honestly say, that we were happy with each other’s company.

But then, Sephiroth started having night terrors in the second week. He was gradually remembering things, mostly menial facts about himself that somehow led to an aversion from my hugs. However, I merely reasoned that Sephiroth, before the memory loss, didn’t much like physical contact. But one night, I awoke to his screaming as he flailed in bed, eyes shut and tears rolling down his cheeks. So, I did what I thought was right, and threw my arms around him, hugging his tear stained face to my chest as I whispered words of comfort. And when he finally awoke, all Sephiroth could do was clutch onto the back of my shirt and chant, “Don’t leave me.”

Something must have clicked in my head when I heard his desperate cries, as I pressed my lips to the crown of his head and whispered, “I won’t leave you. I promise” until Sephiroth fell asleep once more.

The usual routine the next morning was more or less the same, except for the fact the Sephiroth would refuse to meet my gaze, or tried to avoid speaking with me. This came as a bit of a shock for me as I was accustomed to light banter in the morning before I left to make a living. And as hard as I tried to catch the silver haired man’s attention, he would turn his head away and proclaim that he needed to fix something in another room. By the time I had to leave for work, I was beside myself with many different emotions that I couldn’t immediately decipher. So, I left without a word to Sephiroth that morning.

While running errands for the day, my usual employers would notice that I was not the same. Some of the women would question me, “Dear Ayla, why are you so sad?”

I would answer that I was fine, and that I wasn’t sad, but the women would all merely look at me with empathy. No matter what I told myself, told other people, I knew that I was still bothered by the events that happened earlier today. The way that Sephiroth wouldn’t look at me, kept popping up into my mind’s eye. I felt too much, felt that I was becoming overwhelmed. Frustration, anger, sadness, confusion, and most of all, hurt. Did I do something wrong? Did he not want me to be with him? Simply the thought that he would not want to be near me made tears well up at the corners of my eyes and caused a heavy pressure on my chest accompanied by a sinking feeling that I knew as dread. No matter what I did, I could not disperse the feeling. A constant companion throughout the day, and while on my trek home.

Approaching my home with the next few days’ groceries in hand, I expected with half a heart for Sephiroth to throw open the doors and rush to assist me. When he did not, the pressure in my chest increased tenfold. In the end, I had to balance the two bags in one arm haphazardly as I unlocked the door and nudged it open with my foot. Once I was inside the house, I set the bags on the floor near the door and scanned the room for Sephiroth, only to find him lying on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Noticing that I was home, the silver haired man sat up and walked towards me. Hopeful, I started to speak, “Seph-” but was cut short when he walked past me to pick up the grocery bags and bring them to the kitchen counter, all the while avoiding my gaze.

I bit my lip as tears welled up again, staring at him imploringly. Begging for him to look at me, to talk to me, to  _ acknowledge me _ . And when Sephiroth didn’t, continuing his task of putting the groceries into the fridge,  _ ignoring me _ , the tears overflowed and a sob escaped. 

Broad shoulders stiffened from across the room as I tried to stop crying. “ _ Why? _ ” I asked, choking on the sobs that shook my body. “What did I do wrong?” And when there was no answer, no response from Sephiroth, the pressure increased and I crouched, no longer able to stand up. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm  _ so sorry _ .” I apologized over and over, hoping that he would maybe react if I did. But it was futile. There was still no reaction, no acknowledgement, not even a tilt of the head. Like he didn't want me around.

The next thing I knew, I had sprinted to climb the ladder up to the attic, where I kept all of my family’s belongings from before I became an orphan. The attic was regularly cleaned, so no dust sat on the queen sized bed that was positioned in the middle of the attic. It was my parent’s bed, which was where I would go to when I was younger to seek comfort from night terrors. And it was in this bed where I curled up with my tears and clutched my old teddy bear after kicking off my shoes.

From the level below, all I could hear was silence. A dead and hollow melody that I wanted to go away. I wanted to hear  _ something _ . I yearned for him to come up after me and tell me why he was ignoring me in such a cold manner. I  _ wanted _ to hear something break, the shattering of dishes, as he expressed his emotions. I even desired for him to yell at me. Something.  _ Anything _ . To make the deafening silence go away. To demonstrate to me that he cared even the slightest for me. But there was only silence.

Cynically, I questioned why this even mattered so much to me. Why did him giving me the cold shoulder sting so much? Because he was my friend? No. If it were simply that I wanted friendship, I would have sought out another. Was is because of family? Perhaps. The comfort I experienced with him was euphoric in a way, but not on a familial level. And then it hit me. I  _ loved _ Sephiroth.

“But he doesn’t love me.” I whispered with a dejected sob, curling further into a ball until darkness took me.

And it was because I fell asleep at 6pm that i woke up in the middle of the night, still crying, but also hungry. Climbing out of my late parents’ bed, I slipped on my shoes and descended the ladder. The ladder was in the same vicinity as the bed, and when I descended and turned, I expected to see Sephiroth sleeping. However, when I didn’t see him in the bed, which was perfectly made, and when I noticed that his shoes were also gone, it hit me like a train that he left. That my greatest fear had been realized. That I would care for a person with my body, mind, and soul, and then they would leave me. Then, again, began the weeping. In hiccups and waves of sobs and incoherent statements of denial, as if I were trying to make it all a dream. But the thunder outside and the pattering of the rain on the roof and sides of the house only cemented this as reality. I was alone again.

 

(*:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:( )

Then there was a creaking sound as the bathroom door opened revealing the reason for all my tears the past ten hours. The house was mostly dark, save for the light from the bathroom, and the glow coming from the lights next to the front door, but there was no doubt in my mind that Sephiroth saw my form and froze. At that point, I wasn’t looking directly at him, or rather, I couldn’t, instead opting to turn my head to stare at the floor away from the bathroom, shoulders slumped in quiet defeat. The silence between us stretched on, with him staring at me, and me still crying. 

After several minutes, I had resolved to go back up the ladder, turning to do just that when he finally whispered, “Ayla.”

And almost pathetically, my body whipped around so that I could look him in the face. I was unsure what my face looked like, let alone what my eyes betrayed, but Sephiroth, being the superhuman that he was, saw everything on my face as plain as day. Maybe it was hurt that shone in my eyes, maybe it was hope, but the next thing I knew, Sephiroth had crossed the room and pulled me into a tight embrace. “I’m sorry.”

I whimpered and fought against him, weak from the hours of crying. “Why?” I begged, banging against his chest while still in tears. “Why did you pretend that I didn’t exist? What did I do wrong?” With every sob, I grew weaker until I couldn’t struggle anymore.

“You didn’t do anything.” Sephiroth admitted, arms tightening around my body. “I was scared.”

“That’s not a good enough reason!” I yelled, pushing away to stare at him with teary and outraged eyes, “Do you know how much you hurt me?” Our eyes connected as I furrowed my brows in frustration, “Every time you refused to meet my eyes, I felt dread. Every time you wouldn’t speak to me, my heart dropped. And every time you refused be near me, I couldn’t breathe!”

Sephiroth looked guilty as he tried to hold my gaze, a conflict in his green eyes that threatened to grow into a storm. “A few nights ago, I had a dream where we were… intimate. I have known for a while that I was attracted to you, but I didn’t know to what extent. And when I woke up, I knew that if I wasn’t careful, I might do something that you were not comfortable with. So, I tried not to make physical contact with you. Then, last night, I dreamt that I had a son, with you. And it was something that I have never wanted more.” There was a desire and honesty that hypnotized me and kept me quiet, no matter how much I wanted to continue protesting. “And then, like someone flipped a switch, the dream turned into a nightmare. A nightmare where I killed you and our son. You have to understand,” he appeared pained as he lifted a hand to caress my right cheek, “that I did not want to live in a world where you died because of me. So I tried to isolate myself from you. But as I tried so hard to avoid such a future, I couldn’t stand hurting you and having to face you as you cried. And I realize that I was simply being a selfish coward. Then, earlier tonight, I had another nightmare. Where I lived a life where you were with another man, but you weren’t happy.” Sephiroth shook at the thought, “When I woke up, I knew that I had to have you to myself, that I needed to make it up to you for the hurt I’ve caused.” 

Then, gently, Sephiroth bent down to press his lips against mine softly. “I love you so much, Ayla. And I am a selfish man.” Another soft kiss was placed on my lips, slower this time, so I felt his surprisingly soft lips press against my chapped ones. “I crave your attention.” Another kiss, longer again. “I desire your body.” A firm kiss and a brush of the tongue on my bottom lip before he pulled back to press his forehead to mine, our eyes meeting. “I lust for everything about you.” Sephiroth confessed, gaze teeming with pent up desire.

Shocked, and unable to respond verbally just yet, I responded to Sephiroth’s confession by throwing my arms around his neck and pressing my lips hungrily to his. Brushing my own tongue against his lips, I was surprised when they immediately opened with a low groan, as Sephiroth lightly brushed his thumb under my right eye and rested his other hand on my hips. Curious to try a trick that I overheard from some of my neighbors, I gently ran the tip of my tongue against the roof of Sephiroth’s mouth, eliciting a moan from him. With a last flicker against the roof of his mouth, I pulled back slightly to whisper, breathless, “I love you, too, Sephiroth.”

Spurred on by my confession, Sephiroth bent to close the distance between us, both hands now cupped my face as he kissed back, imitating me by rubbing his tongue under and over mine before reaching the roof of my mouth and lightly brushing it. And while there have been many times where I’ve brushed my own tongue to the roof of my mouth to get a sense of the sensation, having someone who you are attracted to and love do it to you was titillating. And almost immediately, I wanted to feel more of Sephiroth, feverently grabbing at him as his tongue continued to tease me in a rhythmic motion. One wave of euphoria after another with each brush of the tongue, so much so, that I began to feel weak. And as Sephiroth lifted me up to wrap my legs around his hips, intending to lay me on the bed, I mused to myself in wonder,  _ So this is why people like being in relationships. _

No sooner had I thought that, my back met the soft fabric of the bed. Pulling off my shoes and kicking his boots off, Sephiroth soon hovered above, his long silver hair cascading around us in a curtain, as if to hide our passions from the world. We were silent as the rain pelted the walls of the house, both content with making close eye contact. After a while, I reached upward with my arms and pulled Sephiroth down to meet my lips, falling back into the tempo from before. All I could hear was the movement of our limbs as we sought to feel as much of each other as possible. Though his left hand held my head in place, his right hand had dipped down to latch itself onto my hip. Slowly, I felt as his hand snuck under my shirt, drawing patterns with the tips of his fingers. For my part, I explored the silkiness of his silver tresses before allowing hands to roam and feel his chest to his shoulders before settling with pressing my palms against the back of his shirt and sliding under the fabric to feel the contours of his lower back.

Then, suddenly, Sephiroth pulled away to kiss his way up to my left ear, which has always been the more sensitive of the two. “I might not be able to hold myself back,” Sephiroth warned me in a husky voice. “I want to feel you so badly.”

_ It was a warning from the man that I loved, that there was something within him that he could not contain. A beast, maybe. Something feral. And at the time, I did not realize that it was something evil and sinister. Sephiroth had an idea of how dangerous he was, and in that moment, he wanted me to know that I could never turn back if we continued. Sephiroth, the love of my life, knew that something foreboding lay dormant within him, and if I knew what really lay within him, the Calamity, Rufus had called it, I might have backed away. But I loved him, I still do. And in that time, where we were both vulnerable, I could have never turned away from what he desired. From what I desired. _

I was ready to accept every part of Sephiroth. Showing him by turning my head to capture his lips briefly before moving lower to leave my mark on his neck, whispering, “Don’t hold back.”


	4. Chapter 3: Stardust (Hoshi no Suna)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All happy things must end.

_ We were happy for a long while, living a simple life in the lower plate. But I didn’t like keeping Sephiroth inside the shack. I wanted him to be able to leave the walls of our home. I wanted him to have his freedom. But he didn’t agree. Sephiroth had been steadily regaining his memories of his time in Shinra, and made sure to impart on me the knowledge that if he ever left, he would never be permitted to come back. And it was this fear that drove him to stay inside. “My freedom, is with you, Ayla.” he had told me, the hopeless romantic that he was. _

_ But his sweet words were to hide what was really happening. As Sephiroth regained his memories of the life he had before me, he started losing his memories of the time with me, starting from when he woke up without his memory. I never knew what was wrong until years later, when Rufus explained what had happened. My beloved was trying to hide this fact to protect me, but he ended up doing the exact opposite. His feelings for me were disappearing as well as his memories of me, and within a matter of eight weeks after we had made up, the Sephiroth that I knew was gone. And to make it worse, it was around this time when I felt that I had to let Sephiroth know that I was pregnant with his child. _

 

* * *

 

 

It was like a sudden switch had flipped in Sephiroth’s head. The previous night, we had been cuddling after a bout of passion, like we always did, the both of us very much in love. I had wanted to let him know of the life growing within me that night, but seeing how tired we both were, I opted to wait until the morning. But I never got to tell him, because he forgot about me the next day.

I awoke to the sound of surprised and panicked shuffling. And then, I heard Sephiroth walk over to the bed. “I know you’re awake. Who are you?” 

Confusion.

Lazily lifting my head, I glanced at my lover, thinking that he was joking. But the coldness in his gaze told me that he was not joking. “Sephiroth? What do you mean? You know me.” I tried to reason with him, scared, confused, and hurt. “I’m Ayla. Ayla Noe, your girlfriend.” I told him, trying to jog his memory. How could he not remember me? We were fine last night!

“I don’t know you.” Sephiroth snarled, pupils narrowing in a threatening manner. My lover stalked forward menacingly and gripped my arms, shaking me roughly, “Did AVALANCHE send you? Did you drug me? Seduce and lure me into your lair, you parasite!”

At this point, I was beyond frightened when he threw me to the ground. I scrambled backwards and away from the livid and amnesiac man. Still naked, I stood and backed into the dresser, as Sephiroth paced the room. Quickly pulling on a fresh set of clothes, I silently and cautiously skirted around the house collecting items to flee with for a day or so, keeping my front facing Sephiroth. I was not frightened for myself, but for the baby growing within my womb, silently praying to the Planet that Sephiroth’s rough handling did not cause a miscarriage. I looked down for a moment to place a hand over my stomach, but upon smelling the scent of something burning, my head snapped up and I cried out in despair, watching as Sephiroth set the inside of our home on fire. “Sephiroth! What are you doing? Stop!” I pled with the silver haired man, stalking towards him, “Please! You know me! This is your home!”

Hearing my words, Sephiroth turned, but what I saw was not the man that I fell in love with. It was something evil and violent. The man before me chuckled darkly before a sword materialized in his hand. He glanced at his sword, what I recognized as the Masamune, fondly before cooling speaking, “Leave now, concubine, before I slay you where you stand.”

I didn't have the time to question how he had the power to summon his weapon, I was petrified. Somehow, I knew that he was not joking, so I backed away from the man I loved and fled from my home. Fled from Midgar without looking back. And it was only when I was on a train and out of the city that I allowed the tears to fall, mourning the loss of my lover, the loss of my home, and lamenting that my child would grow up without their father.


	5. Chapter 4: Wagtail (Seki-ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To fall into despair means to give up on life. And to give up on her life would mean that her child would never have his own. So she resolves to be strong. Though she is so small, so young, she has to be strong.
> 
> She is a sekirei, a wagtail, a creature who will be strong for those that she loves.

The following months were difficult for me, if I were to put it lightly. I was a pregnant woman who had just turned nineteen, without a home, with little education, and alone. For a while, I wandered from town to town, looking for work and a place to stay. And with each passing day, it became a struggle to walk. Then, one day, I was taken in by a lovely woman named Kou, who was a doctor in Costa del Sol, and who allowed me to stay in her home. As repayment, I worked as the nurse in her clinic. At least, until I could no longer walk around too often. It was in Kou’s clinic where I gave birth to my son, Kamui Caelum Noe. And it was also where I raised him until he was four. 

When Kamui was four, it was around that time that Shinra began to occupy Costa del Sol again, sending members of SOLDIER and the Turks alike to the coastal village for time off. Due to Sephiroth’s notoriety, Kamui and I had to leave. I could not risk being discovered. I could not risk Kamui’s safety, especially due to the fact that my baby boy looked so much like his father. Kamui was born with my hair, but also Sephiroth’s face and eyes. If anyone from Shinra took a good long gander at my son, they would immediately be able to connect the dots. So I fled with Kamui to the icicle Inn on the Northern Continent, where we remained in hiding for four years.

* * *

 

When there came news that Sephiroth had returned from the dead to slay innocents, Kamui and I managed to stay hidden even as Shinra and mercenaries alike traveled to the town. Kamui was a very smart child. He had long since figured out who his father was. Developing a hatred for a man that I continued to love, and who he never knew. And now he knew that his mother loved a monster of a man. Kamui would never understand that I fell in love with a side of Sephiroth that had long since been buried.

But the man I loved was not completely buried, I learned later. I had left Kamui at home to run errands in the village, when I encountered a hooded figure in black. At first, I paid the figure no mind, until I realized that it had followed me wherever I ventured. Unsettled, I eventually stopped walking and turned to face the figure, watching it stare at me. Maybe this was dangerous, but I had long since learned to protect myself.

“...”

“...”

For a long moment, neither the figure, nor I made a sound. The Hell Thundaga crackled as electricity shot up and down my right arm, signalling that I was ready to fight the figure if it attacked. And I was about to attack when the figure finally spoke.

“... Ay...la…”

I froze in shock, surprised to hear my name, for I had long since abandoned it in order to hide away. There were only a handful of people that knew who I was, and I had not informed any of them of where I was. “Who are you?” I snarled protectively.

I was not expecting the inhuman speed when the figure approached me. And I could barely react when a black gloved hand came up to cup my cheek. “My love. My Goddess.” It was the deep velvet voice which prompted me to look the figure in the face, because it couldn't be him…

And when green eyes with slit pupils stared back at me, I trembled, “Sephiroth.”

The figure gave a pleased hum before pressing his lips to my own chastely. “My beautiful Ayla. Mine. All mine.” He growled, pulling back with slight madness in his eyes. 

I could do nothing but stay frozen, for this person was still not the man I loved. Maybe he remembered who I was, but there was no warmth or compassion to him. This was not my Sephiroth. And yet… as I heard the sounds of heavy footsteps close in, I remember that it is Sephiroth to a certain point, so with a sigh, I captured his lips in mine before pushing him away. “Go. I’ll distract them.”

There were no words from him as I turned away, simply the sound of his footsteps fading away. Upon being confronted by a group of mercenaries, I thought to myself,  _ The things I do for love _ .

* * *

 

I did not know if I wanted to be with Sephiroth again after what he did to me, but I knew that I still wanted to see him again. And upon seeing him at the Icicle Inn, I had hoped that maybe, there would be a chance to be together. But when months passed without a word, and with the sudden threat of Meteor, I knew that we could never be. I had deducted that Sephiroth had been the cause for all the destruction that Shinra had written off. Knowing that he was a mass murderer and a psychopath, I still loved him. It was foolish of me, but I don’t regret loving that part of him, which I may never see again.

It was my aim the past several years, to stay under the radar and keep away from anything related to Shinra, but when Kamui’s hair started turning silver, I knew that it was time to leave Icicle Inn. And it seemed to me that the newly built Edge was the perfect place to start a new life. With the appearance of Geostigma, I could use the development of a new symptom as a cover for Kamui. I knew that it was dangerous, placing my son and I in a city where we could contract Geostigma, but I had to take that risk. Kamui stood out like a sore thumb among the citizens of Icicle Inn.

Moving to Edge had been easy, but fitting in was another matter entirely. We discovered that Kamui could not contract Geostigma after one of the children in the school gave it to him. It is stated that symptoms would show within 24 hours of exposure, but Kamui continued to have no symptoms. When those afflicted with Geostigma discovered that Kamui was immune, he was bullied relentlessly, and I was fired from my job for being his mother. They were jealous of Kamui and wanted to perform tests on him to find a cure. I forbad it. There were many kidnapping attempts, all of which ended in failure as I was more than able to fight off regular civilians. So, I withdrew Kamui from school to keep him safe.

But simply withdrawing from society did not mean that the attention was off of us. In fact, attention was drawn to us even more. Enough was enough when the people started to attack our home in large rallies. It was then, where I decided to call that person.

Rufus Shinra had reached out to me about three days into the harassment. He had called the home while Kamui and I were out for the day to leave a message. In the message, he had explained that contrary to what I believed, Shinra had kept me under close watch ever since I moved to Icicle Inn. Rufus explained that while I was careful, I was not careful enough to avoid Shinra’s attention. At the present, since the SOLDIER Program had ended with the Meteor Incident, and the Shinra Company being in a state of stasis since the building was attacked, it was explained that Rufus Shinra merely wished to speak with me, and to offer my son and I protection. We need only ask.

So, when the harassment became too much, I decided to take a chance and call Shinra for help. And oh boy did that man deliver on his word. Within the hour, an expensive black car pulled up to the side of our home and three individuals dressed in black suits stepped out, armed to disperse the assembly of people. Once all the civilians were gone, the Turks set about wheeling a figure cloaked in white out of the vehicle to the front of my door, where they stood, mostly likely knowing that I had been watching them from the living room window. 

Finding that there was no reason to be disrespectful, I left my position by the window in order to open the front door and let my guests in. And for a brief moment, as I observed each individual enter my home, I wondered if I had made a mistake. Those who really knew Shinra, people like me, like the people who ran 7th Heaven, knew that Shinra could not be trusted. Then I thought back to an hour beforehand, to when I called Shinra. 

_ “*dial tone*”  C’mon. Answer. Please. I silently begged as I watched the crowd of people outside my home. _

_ There was the sound of light thumps as Kamui peeked down from the top floor of the house. “What’s going on outside, Mother?” _

_ Quickly, I turned around to glance up the stairs at my son, looking at his face, which grew to resemble his father each passing day. “Nothing to worry about, Kamui, I’m calling for help.” I tried to assure, gesturing to the cell phone in my grasp. _

_ The puzzlement on my son’s face would have been funny had the situation been less serious. “Can’t you just use the Materia, Mother?” _

_ I shot Kamui a look, “You know why I can’t do that, Kamui.” I had explained this many times to Kamui, but his pout only showed me that he did not understand why we couldn’t use violence yet. I was about to shoot a lecture at Kamui before the phone picked up on the other line, “Yes, hello. I’m looking for President Shinra.” _

_ “The President is very busy.” A male voice droned from the other side, “I could arrange an appointment-” _

_ “My name is Ayla Noe, and there is a group of people attacking my home.” I interrupted unapologetically.  _

_ “...Please hold.” On the other side of the phone, I could hear footsteps walking away and faint murmuring.  _

_ Kamui had long since gone back to his room to read the new novel that I had bought him. It was maybe a few minutes later that the phone was picked up again. “I see that you decided to return my call, Ms. Noe. To what do I owe the pleasure?” _

_ I wasted no time in getting down to the point of my call. “You said that you had answers. And that you would offer protection.” _

_ “That is correct. I can offer your family protection, and I can give you a job.” Rufus Shinra replied smoothly. _

_ I gulped slowly and stared at my feet. “And the answers? I want the truth.” _

_ “Will all be answered face to face.” _

_ I nodded as if Shinra could see me, “I accept. Just please…” my voice cracked, “Help me protect my son.” _

_ “I will see you within the hour.” Shinra replied, reassuring, as he hung up the phone. _

Which brought us back to the current situation, as I led four figures dressed in black suits, and a wheelchair bound man wrapped in white to my living room. “Kamui, please come down and greet our guests.” I called out as I closed the front door and led Rufus and the Turks into the living room.

With the Turks more comfortable standing around their employer, whom rested in front of me in his wheelchair, and tea set out as more of a formality, Rufus Shinra began to speak. “Before we begin, I wish to confirm something. Kamui is the son of Sephiroth, am I correct?”

As if on queue, Kamui walked into the living room, stoically observing Shinra and the four Turks. Then, with all the poise that Sephiroth was known for, Kamui strolled forward and gave his hand to Rufus, shaking firmly when the company president accepted his offer. “Kamui Noe. Nice to meet you.”

“Rufus Shinra. A pleasure, Kamui. You look a lot like someone I used to know.” I grit my teeth a little, as Kamui never liked to talk about his father, viewing Sephiroth as a disgraceful man who hurt and betrayed his mother.

Kamui’s calm manner turned slightly tense, his eyes narrowing as he withdrew his hand. “If you mean Sephiroth, then yes. You are not mistaken. I am his son, but only in blood. He deserved whatever unfortunate event befell him.” my son snarled, turning to take a seat next to me.

The red haired Turk gave a sarcastic snicker, “He’s the spitting image of that man.”

Kamui glared, prompting the red haired man to stick out his tongue childishly. “Regardless, I hate him.”

“A mutual dislike, shared by most in this room.” Rufus reasoned, trying to ease the tension. “But we are not gathered here to simply speak about such a trivial matter. You asked for answers, Ms Noe.”

I nodded, “I did.”

“Then I will ask that you not interrupt as I explain everything.” I gave no response. “Very good. To begin, my associates and I have been looking into the cause of Geostigma and its relation to your son’s immunity…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From a source of mine, the wagtail is a bird connected with the Ainu people and their mythologies. The sekirei is a small bird that serves Kamui, the creator god. While generally seen as a weak and fragile bird, it does its job with a fierce devotion, that it created the lands by itself.
> 
> http://(%)www.senshigakuen.com(%)/translations/lyrics/gackt/(%)sekirei.htm
> 
> Since I'm not so sure how AO3 handles links in notes, to view the lyrics/source, just delete the (%) in the link above.


	6. Chapter 5: Oasis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her secrets come undone, but in her desire to protect her son, she gains a few allies and some answers to the questions that have plagued her for so long.

_ Rufus explained that regarding the Geostigma, rather than originating from Mako energy, as the public had been led to believe, Geostigma was the result of Sephiroth’s murderous and violent will infecting the planet through JENOVA cells, which were found in those exposed to Mako. Kamui was Sephiroth’s son, so he essentially was a part of Sephiroth down to each cell. As a result, the Geostigma acknowledges that Kamui is the origin, making him immune. As far as Sephiroth’s actions, it was revealed that he became homicidal and massacred the entirety of Nibelheim, but was defeated by his allies. The declaration that Sephiroth died in a mission, as a hero, was the late President Shinra’s attempt at covering up the horrors of SOLDIER. _

_ On that particular day, when Sephiroth had lost his memories of his entire life at Shinra, it had been due to a routine Mako injection. Professor Hojo, whom I learned to be Shinra’s head scientist at the time, and Sephiroth’s father, had been tasked with injecting a dose of Mako concentrate into Sephiroth. However, it was stated in one of Hojo’s lab reports that due to Sephiroth’s already high tolerance to Mako, the lead scientist had increased the dosage. The high dosage turned out to be ten times stronger than the normal limit for members of SOLDIER. It is not known what wiped Sephiroth’s memory. Hojo theorized that JENOVA probably tried to exercise her control over Sephiroth, creating a conflict mentally and within his cells, thus wiping Sephiroth’s memory. It is not widely known, but every SOLDIER candidate is injected with a mixture of JENOVA cells and pure Mako in order to grant superhuman abilities. However, only certain candidates survive this process. The failures were always wiped from existence. From there, the amnesiac Sephiroth ran from Shinra. _

_ It was then explained to me how Sephiroth came to be. How he was the result of an experiment performed by his very own parents. How Lucrecia Crescent and Hojo could have done such terrible experiments to their child was not fathomable. I learned about the scientists mistakenly thinking that JENOVA was a Cetra. How they injected its cells into Sephiroth during his fetal stage in development. And how they lied to him all his life, telling him that his father was dead and that his mother was JENOVA. Then, I began to understand the madness. JENOVA, I was told, also called the Calamity, was a malevolent being, the enemy of the Planet and Cetra. It's purpose was to drain the life of any planet it comes across. And to have such a being infused into humans, it was no wonder that good men, like Sephiroth, turned evil. _

_ And it was JENOVA which had made sure that his memory of me was wiped on the day long ago. Despite being dismembered, JENOVA’s cells were very much conscious of the world. According to Professors Gast and Hojo, the JENOVA cells were self conscious, often times unpredictable with how it behaved, which is why there were so many failures of SOLDIER. The Sephiroth of the day where I lost my home, was the result of Sephiroth’s identity losing over JENOVA, and thus explained the memory loss and hostile behavior. Although, Rufus confessed that the Sephiroth that I knew was not likely to still exist after that time period, I personally refused to believe that an entire part of Sephiroth’s identity disappeared simply because of two other conflicting identities. In psychology there is the id, ego, and superego. The id would be the murderous and sociopathic Sephiroth created through JENOVA’s influence and Shinra’s misdeeds. The ego is the General Sephiroth of old, where he was cool and calculated, but not without compassion. And the superego would be the Sephiroth that was created the day that we met, and the part of the man that I grew to love. _

_ But while I had accepted the truth without much struggle, Sephiroth had been driven mad by his discoveries. It was to be expected, to go insane, when your life and humanity are called into question with the journals and lab reports of several misinformed scientists. _

_ There were perhaps some things that Rufus did not tell me, and I respect him for keeping certain facts on a need to know basis. But while he and his Turks visit Kamui and I often, Rufus’s parting words from recent visits have been ominous. _

_ “Be careful. For an ominous force is approaching.” _

 

* * *

 

 

It was a danger that I had been aware of ever since then. Rufus was not explicitly clear about the danger or what the force would entail. I had expected the enemy to come in the form of a monster, not a man. Rufus did not tell me what the new opposition would mean to me. For Kamui and I, it was the end of a period of relative peace. And while I had yet to realize, it was the beginning of the end for me. There was only one name that started it all. Loz.

The day had been peaceful, a mother and son picnic on the outskirts of Edge…

“-and then Marlene punched Sam in the jaw!” Kamui chirped animatedly, waving his arms in a punching motion, his green eyes lit up in joy and excitement that was rare for him. It was a nice breezy and sunny day in Edge, so I had decided to take the day off from helping Rufus in the Healen Lodge in favor of spending time with my son on his birthday. As I sat, leaning against one of Reno’s motorcycles, black with silver trim and some flame patterning, enjoying some Banora White cider, Kamui retold his story about him getting saved by a girl named Marlene while at school. While I had tried to deal with the mistreatment of my child on many occasions, the blatant fear of Geostigma did not help in that Kamui had no reaction with the black water, and therefore, did not suffer like everyone else. While the people were told to back off from my family by Rufus Shinra, himself, Kamui’s immunity, my new found friendliness with Shinra, and how Kamui looks, still caused many to ignore warnings. But to hear about a girl saving his butt, despite the fact that Kamui had been taught to fight back by myself and the Turks, was very amusing. I suspect my son has a crush.

I was about to tease my son about his little crush on this girl named Marlene, when, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a figure approaching us. At first glance, it seemed as if the figure was one of those undead creatures that rose from the dead in the fiction novels that Rude lent me, what with the unsteady steps, but upon further inspection, and a lot of squinting, my eyes widened in horror. Quickly setting down my drink, I scrambled to open the satchel on the back of the bike, pulling out a large blanket, and sprinted to the man, “Wait here, Kamui.”

I had barely made it to the man in time to catch him has his legs gave away. I wasn’t fully able to process the fact that the man was naked, and had silver hair and green eyes, as the man latched onto me firmly and cried out, seeking comfort, “Mother!”

Taken aback, my arms flailed a bit before ultimately landing on the man’s back, covering him with the blanket. “I-I’m sorry. But, I’m not your mother.” I whispered softly. “I don’t know who you are.”

The crying stopped within a second, and the arms thrown around me began to constrict painfully. “What do you mean? So, you are a stranger?” The man looked up into my eyes with an unhinged look. “Then, I don’t have to be nice, right? We can play?”

Eyes wide, I began to struggle, noting that the man had the same look that Sephiroth had all those years ago. “Shit.” I began to push the man away, but he was faster, switching his grip to constrict my neck, cutting off my breathing. The man was tall enough that he only needed one hand to fully wrap around my neck. Between the feeling of his thumb digging into my windpipe, and what I believed were my eyes trying to pop out of my skull, I vaguely observed that the man was left handed before my vision started to go black at the edges. And as my hands clawed at my attacker’s arms, I stared into familiar eyes defiantly, praying that Kamui had ran.

“GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY MOTHER!” I heard from behind as several bolts of lightning hit the man above me, knocking him away.

Coughing as the air came rushing back into my lungs, I rolled and stood, turning to look at the silver haired man, preparing to fight. Kamui, with all the calm fury that his father was known for, stood in front of me his arm equipped with three of my Materia, and my wakizashi in hand. “You have a dirty mouth. Stop learning from Reno.”

Kamui pouted, silver eyebrows knotted, “That’s all you have to say?”

“Thanks.” I interrupted, ruffling my son’s hair and taking my wakizashi and unsheathing it, pointing at my attacker. I had expected the man to be furious, but instead he was staring at Kamui and I, a confused and abandoned look on his face. Frowning, I lowered my weapon. This man was definitely missing a few things up there. “What’s your name?”

Green eyes met mine, tearful. “Loz. They said I was Loz.”

“Who said?” I interrogated, slipping more and more into the Turk persona that I had needed to develop while working with Shinra.

“My brothers, Kadaj and Yazoo.” he replied, crawling forward slowly. “Is that your mother?”

Kamui stepped closer to me defensively, eyeing the man, Loz, carefully as he answered, “Yes. We’re family. My mother and I.”

Loz’s face suddenly turned haunted as he stopped advancing and instead hung his head. “Must be nice. Having a family. Does your mother love you?”

My son arched an eyebrow disbelievingly, “Doesn’t every mother love her child?”

Loz, as if a switch were flipped, started to weep. “I don’t think my mother does. If she did, then she wouldn’t have left me!”

Perhaps it was the fact that I was a mother, but in that moment, I couldn’t bring myself to hate the man in front of us. Sheathing my sword, I bent down and picked up the fallen blanket, dusting it off before walking towards Loz and kneeling, cautiously wrapping the sheet around his exposed body. “I’m sure your mother loves you, Loz.” I tried to assure him, careful not to set him off again. “But I’m don’t think that she would want you walking around aimlessly in the desert without food or clothing.”

“Yes, she would! She needs to be found! I’ll do anything to find her!” Loz protested with a sob.

My teeth pulled on my bottom lip in thought before glancing at Kamui, who stared at Loz in pity. “Then, how about you stay with us? Just for a day or two, and then you can resume your search.” I offered, ignoring Kamui’s annoyed look at having to share the house with another person.

Loz ceased his crying and looked up at me with all the hope and excitement of a child, “You would do that, Big Sis? After I tried to kill you?” At my nod, the man sniffed, eyes filling with tears, and threw his arms around me again, “Thank you, Big Sis! I promise I won’t try to hurt you again!”

I smiled, slightly confused at how Loz referred to me as, but elated that I could help someone in need. When I peeked at Kamui for approval, he merely crossed his arms and stated, “He better not touch my books.”

And that was how Loz started living with Kamui and I for about three days. 

It was comfortable with Loz in our family. Taking the next few days off from work, I spent nearly all of the next few days taking care of the childish man. I made sure to keep the silver haired man inside the house, with the excuse that should the public see him too often, then Shinra would stop him from looking for his mother. And, to prove that Loz was more brawn than brain, the taller male happily complied with my condition, content with me feeding him and buying new clothes for him. It was like raising a young child all over again. Except this time, said child was tall enough to help me reach items from higher places, and volunteered to help me around the house.

Kamui seemed annoyed at Loz’s presence for the most part, although he seemed to like the fact that he could boss the taller male around. And Loz didn't mind being bossed around. The strange man was like an eager child, which, at the end of the day, was both dangerous and endearing.

I learned from Loz that he was not meant to have appeared in Edge. In fact, he had to meet his brothers elsewhere to look for their mother together. And when I asked what his mother’s name was, Loz admitted that only Kadaj really knew. All Loz really knew was that he had to leave soon to meet up with his brothers, and that he couldn’t wait to tell them about his new Big Sister.

On the last day, when I was seeing Loz out of Edge, in the same area as when we first met, Reno’s bike parked behind me, I finally decided to ask why Loz decided to call me Big Sister.

“I don’t really know. Kamui looked like me, and you’re his mother, so I figured that we might be related.” And then he grinned cheekily, “And I feel like you’re important us. It’s weird, so I can’t really explain it.” Loz glanced at the sky before stepping back from me and waving. “It’s time for me to go now, Big Sis. But I’ll try to visit!”

And with that, Loz disappeared, clothes and all, in a flurry of black smoke.

 


	7. Chapter 6: Claymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even if the morrow is barren of promises  
> Nothing shall forestall my return  
> To become the dew that quenches the land  
> To spare the sands, the seas, the skies  
> I offer thee this silent sacrifice
> 
> -Genesis Rhapsodos, Loveless Act V

_ I had long since spoken with Rufus over Loz’s appearance, sharing my theories and warning Rufus to look out for the men who looked like Sephiroth. I felt horrible betraying Loz, but as someone who works to help the Planet, I couldn't sit by as these mentally unhinged men searched all of the Continents for their mother. Especially when Rufus mentioned that a man named Kadaj had been snooping around looking for his “mother” JENOVA. It wasn't until nearly three months later that those names were brought upon, what with the entirety of Shinra’s remaining work force dedicated to finding a cure for Geostigma. _

_ Rufus had started faking the severity of his Geostigma long since I knew him, but with every passing day, and no cure in sight, the Turks and I grew desperate. And when Kadaj’s appearance implied a possible revival of Sephiroth through his will in the Lifestream, Rufus had to send the remaining Turks to retrieve JENOVA’s remains. Meanwhile, I was tasked with defending Rufus.  _

“You realize that my fighting capability is quite disappointing, right?” I drawled, standing in front of my temporary charge as he viewed the live video feed of the extraction from his computer monitor.

“I doubt that anyone is going to attack the Lodge at the moment. But I appreciate the concern.” Rufus mused, the blanket not covering his face for once.

“And if someone did decide to attack?” I offered weakly, turning around to look at my boss and hoping that I wouldn’t have to really fight to the death.

Rufus glanced up from his computer and pointed towards the wakizashi on my waist, and my right arm, covered in a red gauntlet, hiding the Materia implanted within my arm. “We trained you and gave you Sephiroth’s old equipment for a reason. It being that we knew that you were capable to handle any tough situation. So should anyone threaten both of our lives, then you unsheathe that wakizashi and put it through the person.” Rufus took a moment to pause and look into my eyes patiently, “You understand, right?”

Of course. How could I not understand? This wasn’t the first time that Rufus had to reassure me, and it certainly won’t be the last. “I got it.” i complied, strolling around the desk to look at the computer screen as well.

The video feed was connected to Elena, and thus showed what she saw as she extracted JENOVA’s remains from the Northern Crater. It seemed that the mission would go off without a problem, what with the Turks succeeding in their findings, and Reno being called down to pick up Elena and Tseng. But then, we heard a gunshot, then more, aimed at the Shinra helicopter, Elena, and Tseng.

“Hey! Hey! Hey!” Reno protested loudly through the radio feed, as he threw open the helicopter doors to receive his two colleagues.

“Reno, hurry up!” Elena urged, sprinting forward to hand Reno the package, but stalled as another gunshot rang, and Tseng grunted in pain. “Senpai!”

At this moment, Reno finally noticed that there were people attacking them, “Huh? Who’s there?”

Another gunshot rang as Elena was injured on her way to assist Tseng. “Elena!” Tseng gasped, the video showing that he began advancing towards the helicopter, only to be shot down as he covered Elena..

“Ru-run away…” Elena warned in pain, limping towards the helicopter again to hand Reno and Rude the package, “G-go!”

My pit dropped in horror, as Reno and Rude were forced to leave Elena and Tseng behind, the helicopter flying higher to reach safety. And when Elena made a last ditched effort to defend herself and Tseng, three figures seemed to materialize from familiar black mist. With a sense of dread, I recognized Loz on the right as the black mist materialized black leather clothes onto him and his brothers, who he had told me were Kadaj and Yazoo.

And when Kadaj lifted the camera from Elena’s body, staring straight at Rufus and I, I whimpered a little at how much he and his brothers resembled Sephiroth. “We’re coming for her.”

The camera feed cut off abruptly, leaving Rufus and I to process the events that just happened. And then, Rufus suddenly spoke, “When Reno and Rude return, I want you to go back to Kamui and keep him safe. They may come after anyone who they think has an idea about where JENOVA might be. I’ll have Reno introduce you to several ideal individuals who may be able to look after your son when you cannot.”

That was how I was reintroduced to a few members of AVALANCHE. I had met the party before in the Icicle Inn, having distracted them while I allowed the JENOVA Sephiroth to escape. But this time, with Reno’s help, I was introduced to Vincent Valentine, Cloud Strife, and Tifa Lockhart, who all resided in or near Edge. I also learned that Cloud and Tifa were taking care of Marlene, the girl who Kamui had a crush on. 

When I introduced Kamui to the ex-AVALANCHE members, the only one who seemed more accepting, was surprisingly Vincent Valentine, who had seemed cold. The crimson clad man seemed to warm up to Kamui right away, which seemed strange, until Vincent and I revealed our secrets to one another. My secret being that Kamui was Sephiroth and I’s child, and Vincent’s secret being that he was the Turk in charge of keeping Sephiroth’s mother safe in Nibelheim, but had been shot and nearly killed when he objected to letting humans, namely Lucrecia and Sephiroth, be experimented upon in the name of science. Vincent referred to his interest in Kamui’s well being as an atonement for his past sins.

And while I did not truly understand how Vincent could believe that his being unable to save Lucrecia and Sephiroth as a sin, I was glad that Kamui seemed to take to the seemingly cold and unfeeling man. It was amusing, as Kamui referred to Vincent as “Father” most of the time. But I was happy that Kamui finally had a male figure to learn from that wasn’t Rufus Shinra, Reno, or Rude. And knowing that Vincent could take care of my child, made the inevitable all the more reassuring. 

Nearly two weeks after the mission in the Northern Crater, Vincent visited my home in order to inform me that the Remnants had made their base at the Forgotten Capital and that Kamui and I should hide until the situation was taken care of. At my protesting, the ex-Turk merely recruited Rufus’s help in keeping me away, setting up a home at Midgar, in a secured Shinra hideout.

Hiding from impending danger. Like my life before Edge. It was frustrating, getting the chance to live without fear for only two years before it was all taken away from me. No doubt this was for our safety, but I still didn’t like it. My colleagues were out there dealing with the possibility of Sephiroth’s revival, and I was expected to sit in this facility and wait until the situation was blown over. Perhaps I could’ve helped. Loz seemed to listen to me quite well, although I don’t know how I might be able to tame Kadaj and Yazoo. But leaving this facility, going out to help fight, would leave Kamui without his mother. And we both knew that. There had been a feeling long ago that I was destined to find Sephiroth again. Kamui had acknowledged the feeling as well. And when Loz left our home, we spoke, in depth about what would happen if I went to pursue Sephiroth. It had been a short, yet heavy conversation, with my son and I admitting that it would be best if I never pursued Sephiroth again. But should it come down to it, someone needed to stop Sephiroth permanently. We knew that Cloud and the others could continued to slay his physical embodiment over and over again, but as long as Sephiroth can live on in the Lifestream, his stubbornness would bring him back again and again. When Rufus reported to me that it was Sephiroth’s will that caused Geostigma, i knew that our minds had been made up. Kamui’s and my own. Somebody has to try and reform Sephiroth. And should I fail, then I have to find him in the Lifestream and make sure that he doesn’t come back to hurt the Planet.

 

And so, here I stood, overlooking Kadaj’s battle with Cloud, mounted on Reno’s bike. Kamui and I had parted with a tearful farewell, both of us promising to see each other again, whether it be alive, or within the Lifestream. Perhaps I was selfish, to want to see Sephiroth again and then hiding behind a noble reason. But i couldn’t simply sit around and do nothing. As I watched Cloud back Kadaj over a cliff, disarmed, I had hoped that the fight would end there. But when Kadaj seemingly consumed the last of JENOVA’s cells, writhing in pain as he fell, I knew that the war was not over. Sephiroth had been revived.

 

Pained, I withdrew my wakizashi from its sheathe, knowing that it was no match for Sephiroth’s Masamune, and jumped down to try and talk some sense into my former lover. ”Stop!” I pleaded, landing on the platform where the two enemies spoke.

 

Cloud, for his part, seemed alarmed at my presence, “You…”

 

Sephiroth, however, smirked coolly, “And so you appear. Are you here to take your place at my side?”

 

The man’s gaze held no love, no trace of sincere feeling except apathy, arrogance, anger, and perhaps sorrow. I scoffed, shaking my head at Sephiroth’s offer. “I could never join you.” I admitted sadly.

 

“That’s too bad,” he spoke with a drawl. His face did not change, not affected by my refusal, as if I did not matter to him at all. And this thought, quite reasonably, struck a chord within me. The night we first admitted to our love of one another, I had felt the same. That Sephiroth didn’t care about me. And maybe, now, this was true.

 

Pleading bitterly, I directed a sad smile and looked into his eyes, “There was a part of you… Who truly loved me… But that you, he’s gone now, isn’t he?”

 

“Who knows,” the silver haired man offered with a confident shake of his head. “I have no clear memory of you.”

 

“I don’t know if you can hear me, Sephiroth.” I spoke towards the physical man, but I was addressing any part of the Sephiroth that I had loved, "She’s not your mother. Your mother was Lucrecia Crescent. She died shortly after you were born. Do you hear me? All of this is pointless because JENOVA is not your mother.” I hoped that my voice had reached him. That maybe, he would wake up from deep within.

 

But when Sephiroth frowned, and pointed his blade at me, prompting Cloud to move closer to me slightly, I knew that nothing I said could awaken my lover. “I am tired of your babbling. My mother is JENOVA.”

 

I didn’t want to be taken away from Kamui, I realized, watching as a murderous aura overtook Sephiroth’s previous calm. “Do you still not believe me? Do you still not want to change?” There came no answer as he began to advance. "I thought that speaking with me would change something.” Sephiroth lunged forward, Cloud intercepting him midway, but getting knocked back. The silver haired man, slashed at me, and with several dodges, I managed to back away enough, although I knew that I would not be getting out of this battle alive. Vincent. I hope you can take care of my son. I’m sorry, Kamui. Mommy’s not coming back. “Stubborn.” I mused, holding my weapon up, “You’ve… Always been.” I closed my eyes with a sigh, “Fine. If nothing I say will help then..” I dropped my weapon and opened my arms, “Kill me here.” I attempted to bluff.

 

Sephiroth was around thirty feet away from me, but the next thing I knew, we were face to face. Wide eyed, I noticed that my legs weren’t touching the floor anymore, and that Cloud was yelling in the background. “And now, you will no longer haunt me.” Sephiroth spoke, looking me in the eyes coldly.

 

Looking down, I noticed that a blade was buried to the hilt in my chest. Coughing, and feeling something warm dribble down my chin, I smirked, “Heh.” I attempted to lift my arm to touch the face of my lover, feeling all warmth leave me slowly, “You actually did it…” I smiled, continuing to look into my ex-lover’s face as I slumped forward, breathing out, “Sephiroth.”


	8. Chapter 7: Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the Lifestream, a man sleeps, drifting between awareness and obscurity.
> 
> For this chapter, I highly suggest you listen to Gackt's song, Seven. The link to the lyrics will be in the end notes.

The man knew where he was, yet knew not how he came to be there. He was aware that he was a mere fragment of many from an entire self, some he believed were forever absorbed into the Lifestream, and some remained scattered. The man also knew that the piece of being that he was, was not wanted by the other pieces. Perhaps inconsequential and needless memories and parts of the whole being. Such as his name, age, past. And as he was unneeded, the man would have been content with disappearing within the Lifestream.

However, just as he began to fall into darkness, something calls to him, and he briefly recalls memories of his youth whilst living. He recalls the friends he’s made, and the face and voice of a woman. And with all his strength, he fights to pull away from the Lifestream’s clutches. He could always name his friends. Angeal, Genesis, Zack, to name a few. But he could never remember who the woman was, nor why she was important to him. 

The man is aware of the happiness her voice and face bring him. How she says his name during the time they spent together, and when she looks at him with _ that  _ emotion. Love. The living call it. The man finds happiness when the woman looks at him with love. And yet, he laments not knowing her name, as if something is trying to block his memory. He only remembers parts and pieces of her. Perhaps a time he spent with her.

And the man knew that this woman was what prevented him from finding peace in death. As if he was disquieted from moving on without her by his side. But the man did not know who the woman was to him. And for the longest time, the man pondered upon this woman, constantly revisiting the instances of her in his shattered memory. Time was hazy within the Lifestream.

One day a word drifts to him while he gazes at the woman’s face.

_ Unforgettable _

Like an echo around him, and it occurs to him… that perhaps, there were more fragments of this woman scattered with the other parts of him. The man was scared however. The darkness had been soothing in the Lifestream, although it probably was not a place where he was went to be. The light was so bright in the Lifestream, and it seemed as if the man did not belong to such a radiant existence. But as he sought out the memory of the woman in his mind, with her radiant smile and welcoming being, the man knew that his memories of her can only be found within the light. And so, the man, a mere fragment, sought out other parts of him. It was a purpose for a man who otherwise had none.

Gradually, the man gathered fragments of himself, gaining memories that he had otherwise forgotten. Memories of Professor Gast, of murdering a kneeling woman, of killing people in Nibelheim, and the memories of The Woman. And the man felt shame and regret wash over him. Why had he done all these horrible things? It felt as if the reason for his committing such terrible crimes was with the parts of him that did not wish to be found. But it did not matter to him. All that mattered was the puzzle of knowing who that woman was to him.

_ Who are you... _

But in the middle of gathering his memories, the man began to hear voices, or rather, her voice, calling out to him. Pleading.

**_There was a part of you. Who truly loved me. But that you… he’s gone now… isn’t he?_ **

Who was the woman speaking to? And how could he hear her voice?

**_I don’t know if you can hear me… #*^ &$%#@%_ **

Who?

**_She’s not your mother. Your mother was Lucrecia Crescent. She died shortly after you were born. Do you hear me? All of this is pointless because JENOVA is not your mother._ **

Why is this woman speaking about mother? 

**_Do you still not believe me? Do you still not want to change?_ **

What is she talking about?

**_I thought that speaking with me would change something…_ **

The man wanted to know who this woman was speaking to.

**_Stubborn… You’ve… Always been… Fine… If nothing I say will help… then…_ **

_ Kill me here… _

And with a jolt, the man knew that the woman had been impaled. But by what? By whom?

**_Heh…_ ** _ (a flash of a woman in her late twenties with long brown hair, warm brown eyes, crimson blood trickling from the corner of her mouth, and impaled on a long katana, reaching out weakly)  _ **_You actually did it…_ **

Who killed her? 

_ (the woman smiles, more blood pouring from her mouth, as the light slowly faded from her previously animated eyes)  _ **_… Sephiroth._ **

The man wails. He screams in a manner that disturbs the Lifestream as he becomes aware.

“Ayla”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://(%)www.senshigakuen.com(%)/translations/lyrics/gackt/(%)seven.htm
> 
> Once again, simply delete the (%)s from the link.


	9. Chapter 8: Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How hard she tries. Yet it is for naught.

The woman sensed the presence as soon as it had entered the Lifestream in the same manner that she had sense  **his** lingering and cancerous will. While she had decided to accept the Remnants into the Lifestream in order to build a force that might help destroy the Geostigma plaguing the Planet’s Lifeblood, the woman had no way of dealing with that lingering presence. But upon communing with the other Ancients, and the Lifestream itself, the woman discovered the connection between  **him** , Sephiroth, and the new presence, Ayla Noe.

Her hesitation and apprehension disappeared upon learning of Ayla’s love and desire to be with Sephiroth. And so, with the help of the Planet, the woman, like what she did with others than she had known in life, gave Ayla her individuality and consciousness.

$*@^$_(*@&$+)(@!*$(*@!&$*(&+)(!@*$_!@&$_(*!@&$+)(@!*)$(_@!&%*(!@&+)$(*!@(_*&%!*(_#&$_)@!($&*(*@!&%!*(_%&@!)(_$*()*!@%&_!@(*%+)(@!*%(*&#!_(%*@!+)$(*!(*%&_#*(@&+%)(!@*

Despite proclaiming that I would seek out Sephiroth in the Lifestream to stop him, I wasn’t confident that I even could. I had expected to have my individuality taken away, my memories merged with the rest of the Lifestream’s body. So imagine my shock and bewilderment when I open my eyes, only to find myself in a white landscape, facing a man with spikey, slicked back dark blue hair, dressed in a SOLDIER First Class uniform, and a woman with green eyes and braided brown hair. Both individuals smiled at me tenderly, a welcoming and calming sight, for I had heard of these people. “Zack and Aeris.” I whispered, prompted a giggle from Aeris and a puff of the chest from Zack.

“Hello, Ayla.” Aeris greeted, smiling gently and walking forward to take my hand in hers. “We need your help.”

I furrowed my eyebrows in understanding, knowing full well that it was not by me being special that I was able to keep my individuality, but by the need for it. “I figured as much. It’s the Geostigma, right? You need my help to rid it from the Lifestream.”

Zack laughed and walked forward, throwing an arm around my shoulders, “Pretty  **and** smart. I like you already, Ayla! You wanna go on a date?”

Alarmed at Zack’s flirty nature, I turned to look at Aeris, “Is he always like this?”

Laughing lightly, the Ancient nodded her head, looking at Zack, then back at me, amused. “Yes. Zack has… an overly friendly nature. A puppy, if you will.”

“Aeris!” Zack whined with a pout, “Can you please stop calling me that? It’s bad enough that Angeal does it!”

Angeal? “You mean Angeal Hewley?” I asked, perking up at the SOLDIER First Class that i was a big fan of while living in Midgar.

Zack nodded, smiling. “A fan, i take it?”

I nodded eagerly, and opened my mouth to reply when a cold and menacing force seemed to pierce through my being, making me tense up. Upon seeing that Zack and Aeris were both affected as well, I decided to ask. “W-what was that?”

When Aeris only walked away, Zack decided to answer me. “That was Sephiroth returning to the Lifestream. It’s actually the reason Aeris pulled your being towards us. We need your help to get rid of the Geostigma that plagues the Lifestream. We were also hoping that you could talk some sense to Sephiroth while he’s in here.”

I shook my head, unsure of myself. “I don’t think Sephiroth is willing to change for me. He seems too far gone.” my eyes drooped in sadness.

Zack walked forward and placed both of his hands on my shoulders, bending down to look me in the eyes. “Listen. You will be able to get through to him. Because while Sephiroth is in the Lifestream, he is connected to all his memories. If you go to him, I think he’ll remember you. Besides,” the former SOLDIER smiled secretly, “You two made that promise a long time ago, right?”

I froze, guilt building in my stomach as I realized that I had forgotten about the promise made so long ago. I swallowed, “I promised that I would stay by his side.” I whispered before getting tackled to the side.

“Big Sister!” my attacker yelled in excitement from above me, his muscular body crushing mine. “I’m so happy that you’re here with us! We found mother!”

“That’s nice, Loz.” I grunted, slightly dazed and wondering why I could feel pain despite being dead. “Can you stop squishing me, now?”

Loz lifted himself from above me and smiled sheepishly, “Sorry.”

“Loz, is this Big Sister?” A childish voice called from behind me, as footsteps approached.

“Er.. Aeris, what is this about?” I heard Zack ask the Ancient.

“She’s our mother, of course. And we’re here to help get rid of Geostigma because that’s what Mother wants.” a calm voice explained to Zack.

“Aeris…” Zack seemed unsure.

“It’s fine, Zack. Kadaj, Yazoo, and Loz will behave. Right, boys?” Aeris reassured, coming behind and helping me get up.

“Thanks,” I greeted weakly, groaning a little as I stood up to come face to face with the Remnants, who seemed to think that Aeris was their mother, which was preferred to them following JENOVA’s and Sephiroth’s orders.

Then, I was pulled into hug by Kadaj, who only stood a few inches taller than me. “It’s so nice to finally meet our sister.” the youngest Remnant seemed to purr. “I’m… sorry for hurting you."

“Kadaj, right?” I asked, hugging back, feeling amazed at the affection. “It’s not your fault that Sephiroth took control. I forgive you.” I continued when the younger male hummed in confirmation. “Speaking of Sephiroth…” I trailed off, looking towards Aeris, but still locked into Kadaj’s embrace, as if he never wanted to let go. “I have to go find him.”

Aeris merely nodded, “Kadaj, you need to let your sister go.”

“No!” Kadaj protested, sounding like he was already attached to me.

“She’ll get hurt, again!” Los protested as well, pouting.

“Must she go, Mother?” Yazoo tried to reason, apparently wanting to back up his brothers.

Instead, I answered, pulling away from Kadaj’s firm embrace. “I must. Someone has to deal with Sephiroth.” I reasoned, then smiling as I backed up and began to disappear into the rest of the Lifestream to begin my mission. “I’ll be fine. i promise.”

Then, disappearing before anyone could say a world, I immediately headed towards the part of the Lifestream where Sephiroth’s hate and anger festered the most. But I knew that it wasn’t going to be an easy task, as when I materialized within that area, I was immediately met with a mass of hate and the tip of the Masamune. What stood before me was a mass of black Lifestream in the shape of Sephiroth. “ **You** .” It spoke, its voice distorted, but still resembling Sephiroth’s deep tenor. Then it cocked it’s head, and the black mass reshaped into the young Sephiroth that I had lived with all those years ago.

Eyes wide, I stumbled forward, “Sephiroth. It’s you.” I gasped, hoping that I had finally found the man I loved.

This hope was quickly extinguished when the figure tilted his head again, “Sephiroth… ah… yes… that was my name, and this is what I used to look like.” he lifted his arms for examination, the Masamune long since retracted from the front of my face. Then, green eyes darted to my brown in question, “What are you doing here? I do not recall allowing you to come here.”

I bit my lip and decided to explain everything. “I’m your lover. From when we were younger. We lived together happily.”

“I have no recollection of when I was a boy, nor when I was younger.” the figure reasoned, “If I do not remember such memories, then you must be unimportant to me.”

I winced and recoiled, as if slapped by those words before continuing in my explanation, “JENOVA isn’t your mother.”

“LIES!” The figure snarled, summoning the Masamune again and pointing it at me. “You are just like those scientists.”

“I’m not lying!” I protested, “JENOVA was the enemy of the Cetra! But the scientists in Shinra thought that it was an Ancient! You were injected with JENOVA cells when you were a fetus developing in your mother’s womb. The woman who birthed you, and carried you through nine months was named Lucrecia Crescent! But Shinra scientists took you away from her right after you were born! You’re mother never got to meet you! Sephiroth, please!” I begged, watching as the rage and confusion passed through his green eyes before his gaze glazed over and he lunged forward, plunging his sword within my chest, again. I gasped at the pain that blossomed, although no blood rose from my body.

Furious green eyes met mine as he twisted the blade, earning a pained cry from my throat. “Never speak ill of Mother, again.”

I reached out and grasped Sephiroth’s hand as my body began to disappear, no doubt being called back to where my body was given form in the Lifestream, and stubbornly stuck to my promise to him from long ago. “I will never leave you, Sephiroth.” I swore, before letting my entire body fade into green mist.

When I reformed, my feet touching down onto pure white, I collapsed to my knees with a sob, clutching my chest which still hurt despite there not being a wound. And I would continue to suffer that fate every visit I made to Sephiroth. Each time, Sephiroth seemed to tolerate me less and less, referring to me as an annoyance, skewering me with his katana in every different way, even going to far as to try and decapitate me. With each of my deaths and subsequent rebirths, I felt a part of me die. Eventually, it got to the point where my spirit within the Lifestream began to weaken, causing my body to reform more and more slowly. Then, when I had died fifty or so times, Kadaj had had enough. Upon my latest rebirth, Kadaj pulled me into a hug and begged me not to leave to find Sephiroth again. 

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself!” Kadaj cried out, clutching me to his chest. 

“If you keep doing this. One day, you might never come back.” Loz sobbed from his place 

“But I love him, Kadaj, Loz.” I replied weakly, but knowing that they were right. I could already feel that my spirit wouldn’t be able to hold up another fifty attempts. “I’ll try a few more times…” I negotiated, letting my head fall and rest at the crook of Kadaj's neck. “If he continues to kill me… I’ll stop.” 

So when I returned to Sephiroth, instead of the usual greeting I gave him, I started off with a warning. “I’m only allowed three more attempts to talk to you. After that, I won’t visit you anymore.”

The previously bored male now seemed to perk up at my statement, “Really? Meaning that you will never talk to me after these next three attempts?”

I swallowed and tilted my head to look at my feet, already knowing what the man had planned, “Yes.”

And as soon as I said that word, a sword slashed through me, and I disappeared into the Lifestream to be reborn again.

Unlike the first time getting killed in the Lifestream, where my revival was almost instantaneous, i had to use all of my will power to reform. And when I did, I fell to my knees in despair, as I realized that the Sephiroth that I had known would never resurface again. Upon looking up to see Aeris, Zack, Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo looking at me, waiting for the news, I sobbed violently, hugging myself, unable to meet their gazes as I reported, “He killed me as soon as he found out that I only had three attempts left.” I didn’t look up, only imagining the looks of pity on their faces.

The second time went much like the last. Sephiroth did not even let me speak before he decapitated me, and I had not an ounce of hope left.

And then on my final attempt, I appeared and the first thing out of my mouth was, “I love you, Sephiroth. Despite all that you’ve done to me, my love for you will never waver.” The silver haired man seemed to pause in his final attempt to kill me. “But the man I love doesn’t exist anymore. And the woman I was has long since disappeared, leaving this empty shell.” I proclaimed, spreading out my arms and dropping them. “This is the last time, Sephiroth. After this, I don’t know if the Lifestream will continue to let me maintain my individuality.” I smiled as a tear fell from my eyes, “You’ll get your wish. You’ll finally be rid of me. Ayla Noe will cease to exist.” There was no hesitation as he lunged forward to stab me in the chest. And like when I died the first time, the blade of Masamune was buried to the hilt. “Heh. No remorse as per usual.” And as I disappeared, I grew desperate, throwing my arms around my murderer and kissed him, crying as I gave up.


	10. Chapter 9: For my Dear (emu~for my dear)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was done. He was not. "Because he could not forget."

The man sat, staring at the white space, despondent. Every now and then, the man would glance at his hands in horror, knowing that he had killed the woman that he loved in life. Sephiroth, he finally acknowledged that that was his real name, or the name that Ayla had known him by. Sephiroth could not bring himself to look for his lover, knowing that what he did was unforgivable. All that time that they had spent, mending his very first mistake in trying to keep Ayla out of his life, had been for naught. All that hard work building a healthy relationship had disappeared with his memories. And then he had destroyed their home, setting it on fire in his foolishness. What made it worse, was that he had continued to learn things from the Lifestream, just as his other selves did. He found the truth, somewhere among all the lies. He knew that JENOVA was not his mother. He also knew that Ayla had been pregnant with their child on the day he set fire to their home. And then, to realize that he had taken Ayla from their son with his own hands. There was nothing that could redeem him, and so he did not have the will to search for the love of his life, he thought.  _ I don’t deserve to have anyone’s forgiveness. _

And then, like before, Sephiroth heard the voices.

**I love you, Sephiroth. Despite all that you’ve done to me, my love for your will never wave** r.

“Ayla…” the saddened man called out in wonder, overjoyed to hear his lover’s voice. And to know that she still loved him gave him hope to continue. But he frowned, as the voice had long since lost the cheerfulness that he had been accustomed to. Instead, Ayla’s voice had sounded like when he first hurt her all those years ago. And this thought brought tears to the man’s eyes, for a part of him had hurt his beloved again.

**But the man I love doesn’t exist anymore. And the woman I was has long since disappeared, leaving this empty shell.**

“No! I’m still here! What have I done to you?” Sephiroth sobbed, pulling at his hair

**This is the last time, Sephiroth. After this, I don’t know if the Lifestream will continue to let me maintain my individuality. You’ll get your wish. You’ll finally be rid of me. Ayla Noe will cease to exist.**

The man stood up abruptly, panic lacing his features. “No. You can’t disappear!” Sephiroth yelled into the Lifestream, “You better not take her away from me again!” In a moment of desperation, the mighty Sephiroth prayed to the Planet, or whatever deity there was. “Please! Please! Take me to her! I can’t lose her! We made a promise!” Then, as if the lights went out, Sephiroth was thrown into darkness.

)*&_@(*$&_(@*&$_@(!*$&_@!(*$)@(!*&$_(@*$&_(@*&$_(*@&$_(@*!&$_(@*&$_(@!*&$_(*@!&$_(*!@&%)(*@&_%!@*(&$(*@!&$_(*@&%(*&!@_%*&@!_$(*&!@)%*&#@_(*%&!@_*($&@_!($*

Ayla sat, cuddled against those who called themselves her brothers, inconsolable. There was no concept of time within the Lifestream, but it had been far too long for the young woman since she had last seen Sephiroth. She had been becoming weaker and weaker in her despair, barely having the strength to get up anymore. Aeris had long since pray to the Planet to give her friend her strength again. But it was not the Planet that had been slowly destroying Ayla’s existence. It was Ayla herself, slowly dying of heartbreak, who was killing herself. She had promised to never leave Sephiroth’s side, but she had been forced to break her promise. She did not want to go on existing without Sephiroth, without her son. Ayla had tried to stay strong for so long, but now, she longed to fade into the Lifestream.

Los suddenly tensed up beside Ayla, as did his brothers when they saw who had appeared in front of them. Ayla had long since become numb to her surroundings and did not notice that a new individual had arrived. So when Kadaj suddenly leapt at the new arrival, Ayla did not bother to listen to what was happening, curling further into herself.

“What do you think you’re doing here!” Kodak hissed, trying to claw at Sephiroth’s face in fury. “Haven’t you done enough to her!”

“Kadaj! Stop! I’m not here to hurt her!” Sephiroth halfheartedly defended himself, knowing that he had reduced Ayla into such a pitiful state.

Yazoo scoffed from his position behind Kadaj, “Too late for that.”

Loz, opted for an uncharacteristic glare at Sephiroth, holding onto Ayla. This time, Aeris and Zack appeared to defuse the furious Kadaj, dragging the young Remnant away from a bruised but healing Sephiroth. Zack frowned, shaking his head at his former friend, “You murdered her over and over again, man. There’s no forgiving that.”

“I know.” Sephiroth responded, voice cracking half heartedly. “But that was the other me. I would never do that to her. I love her.”

Aeris, soon began to understand the situation, and spoke up, “You are one of the fragmented memories of Sephiroth which gained individuality.”

Sephiroth nodded curtly, glad that the situation was starting to be resolved. “Please. Let me talk to her. I have a promise to keep.”

At the mention of the promise, Aeris smiled gently and turned away, calling the others with her, “Let’s let them be, everyone.”

“But-!” Kadaj protested, affronted that Aeris would simply allow Sephiroth to be alone with his Big Sister. But at Aeris’s stern look, the Remnants and Zack all obeyed, following Aeris to another part of the Lifestream.

Once everyone had gone, Sephiroth turned to gaze sadly at the broken form of his lover. Gradually, his body shifted to take the image of him when he lived with Ayla, his long silver hair shifting ever so slightly as he walked towards Ayla and knelt down, pulling the unresponsive woman into his arms. Taking the time to gently run his fingers through his lover’s long hair before laying them both down, staring into glazed over brown eyes. 

“I remember when we first met, and you had to teach me how to take a bath.” Sephiroth spoke, recalling his past with Ayla, hoping to rouse her from her despondent state. “I remember how shy and outraged you were when I made you take a bath with me. Although I don’t regret it. Even before I loved you, I got to see the parts of you that nobody else got to see.” 

There was no change in Ayla’s expression. 

“I remember the first time I hurt you.” Sephiroth sought out Ayla’s hands, squeezing them tightly, remembering the pain that he felt when Ayla had started crying. “I never wanted to hurt you again. I swear. And yet I did. So many times.” Ayla’s hands twitched, but there was still no change in her facial expression. Sephiroth couldn’t take the stillness any longer, pulling Ayla into an embrace, nestling his face in the crook of Ayla’s neck. “We made a promise right? That we would always stay together?” He was no longer the mighty Sephiroth, now, he was just a man who wanted to be with the woman he loves. “Please. Come back to me, Ayla. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Say something! Please!”

“This isn’t a dream, right?” a hoarse and fear laden voice piped up as arms wrapped themselves around Sephiroth’s waist.

Surprised, the silver haired man turned his head to meet hopeful brown eyes. Speechless, the man could only press his lips to hers before pulling away to mutter reassurance, “It’s not."


End file.
